napkin.

I’m never trusted with real napkins anymore. Too much of a slob, I guess. But we’re all handed paper napkins more frequently than cloth ones, I suppose. When we are handed the fancy cloth ones, though, we never know exactly how to go about using them. Do I put this on my lap before my food comes, or should I wait until there’s something on my plate? I leave this on my chair when I get up to go to the bathroom, right? But when I’m leaving for good, I put the napkin nicely on the table? Napkin etiquette? Really? And chances are that if you’re somewhere where you’ve given such lovely napkins, you’ve got more important things to worry about. What do I do with these six forks? Four spoons of different shapes and sizes? Three different types of knives? Two drinking glasses? Chances are that those two drinking glasses will even be made of real crystal, and you’ll have to consciously refrain from dunking your finger into their contents and rubbing it around the rim of the glass, making a high pitched musical note come out onto the table. Dinner entertainment. What’s so wrong with that? Cloth napkins are also very suitable for magic tricks. Lay your napkin over the top of the salt shaker, and wrap you hand around it. Now, as you distract your audience, pull back the shaker and secretly drop it into your lap, still holding the napkin as if the shaker’s hiding inside. When you show the other diners that it’s not there anymore, they’ll call you Houdini, or maybe a witch. If you’re out to eat in Salem, don’t do this. Most likely, though, everyone will be impressed by your magic tricks and entertainment. Or maybe not if you’re somewhere where there are such fancy napkins.